Free Ebook Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night's Sleep!), by Maria Goodavage, Jay Gordon
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Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night's Sleep!), by Maria Goodavage, Jay Gordon
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Your baby sleeps in your bed, and you love it. Except for those nagging worries about safety. ("She's so small, I'm so big!") And what your relatives are saying. ("She'll never leave your bed!") And that little foot that always ends up on your face.
Worry no more! Good Nights puts your concerns about the family bed to rest, with fun and easy-to-use guidance on safety, coping with criticism, and even keeping the spark in your marriage (albeit outside the bedroom). With warmth and humor, Dr. Jay Gordon, a nationally recognized pediatrician who has endorsed the family bed for decades, and Maria Goodavage, a former USA Today staff writer with training in sleep research, give you everything you'll need in order to thrive - and at times, simply survive - with the family bed. Good Nights provides a comprehensive look at:
- SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH - Science is uncovering a wealth of advantages, including possible protection from SIDS, for babies who share their parents' bed.
- SURPRISING BENEFITS - Parents of young babies get much more sleep with the family bed! And little ones who spend time sleeping next to parents end up more independent (you read that right!) and closer to their parents than their cribbed peers.
- SAFETY - The authors give simple-to-follow advice on how to make your family bed at least as safe as a crib.
- SOUND SLEEP - Yes, it can be had. Good Nights lets you know how to overcome the obstacles.
- SEX - Ditto.
- SAYING GOOD-BYE - Your child really will leave your bed! Good Nights helps you help your child move on when the time is right.
If you're among the record number of parents turning to the family bed, turn to Good Nights. It's a bedside companion you won't want to be without.
- Sales Rank: #601630 in Books
- Published on: 2002-07-24
- Released on: 2002-07-24
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .54" w x 5.50" l, .70 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 256 pages
From Library Journal
Parents of babies and toddlers hope for a good night's rest after a demanding day, but they rarely get it. Books like Richard Ferber's Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems argue that if bedtime becomes a problem, parents should put children in their own beds and let them cry it out. Here, pediatrician Gordon (UCLA Medical Sch.) and former USA Today writer Goodavage offer a gentler approach: put kids in the "family bed" every night, they say. Children will feel secure and happy, Mom can nurse without getting out of bed, Dad will relax, and a good night's rest for all will follow. Covered in full are "beducation," the problems that may arise, how to childproof the bed, dealing with intimacy, and coping with "naysayers." The text also offers reassuring comments from current and past family bedders. Skeptical? So was this reviewer, but the authors conducted impressive research and present it convincingly. Though not for everyone, this book provides a good alternative to dealing with those difficult "night nights." Recommended. Annette V. Janes, Hamilton, MA
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
About the Author
Jay Gordon, M.D., is a pediatrician, and a teaching and attending faculty member at UCLA Medical School. He is a frequent expert guest on network television, and writes medical columns for national parenting magazines and web sites. He has acted as CBS TV's Medical Consultant for Children's Programming, and also worked for five years on ABC Television as the on-air medical correspondent for the "Home Show." He continues to consult regularly for television and movies, and is the author of several other books about children. His medical practice is based in Santa Monica, California, where he lives with his wife and daughter.
Maria Goodavage is a former USA Today staff writer and the author of several popular books. Her interest in sleep research started at Northwestern University, where she worked at the school's sleep laboratory and studied the science of sleep. She lives in San Francisco with her husband, daughter, and dog. The latter two no longer share the family bed.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Good Nights
1.Baby Knows Best And You Should ListenScience is finally beginning to discover what babies have known all along: Babies are designed to sleep with their parents. And parents are designed to sleep with their babies.At the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame, anthropologist James McKenna, Ph.D., watches an intimate dance unfold. It's a dance in which there's no leader, no follower, and yet almost seamless choreography.A mother and father sleep with their baby between them in a large bed in the laboratory's comfortable bedroom. It's similar to the way they sleep at home, only with infrared video cameras monitoring their sleep stages, zooming in on every roll of an eyeball, every twitch of muscle, all night long.All is quiet and still, except for the rapidly moving, closed eyes of the baby, mother, and father. They're all dreaming at the same time. Moments later they enter a stage of light sleep together: The mother stirs, awakens for just a moment, anddrifts back to sleep, moving her head a little to the left, her arm to the right. The baby stirs, moves her head to the left, her arm to the right. Then the father follows with the same pattern. McKenna, director of the lab, smiles broadly and nods his head."It's incredible watching these sequences unfold," says McKenna, acclaimed as the father of this type of sleep research, and the world's foremost authority on the biological basis of co-sleeping. "The synchronization that happens when parents sleep beside their baby is remarkable."Similar experiments in England find the same dance with family bedders. But place the baby in another room, and it's like putting a wall between a pair of ballroom dancers. Everyone reverts to their own rhythms, their sleep cycles coinciding only by chance.The beauty of this natural nocturnal waltz rests not only in its well-matched moves, but also in its value for the baby: It turns out to be a great life enhancer. Some researchers say it even has the potential to be a lifesaver.Born Before Their TimeHuman infants are extremely immature at birth. Even when born at full term, our babies are frightfully ill-equipped to survive without almost constant care. Most mammals are born with 60 to 90 percent of their brain volume and can be independent of their parents within a year.But not human infants. Born with a mere 25 percent of their future brain volume, human babies are the most vulnerable, and most slow-developing, of all mammals.1,2The human setup doesn't sound very sensible, evolution-wise,but nature has its reasons. Back about four million years ago, our ancestors started coming down from the trees and finding that walking on two legs (bipedalism) was of enormous help for a variety of reasons, including foraging, spotting predators, and later, for making and using simple tools.This was a superb step in the right direction, but it came with a hitch: Bipedalism reduced the size of the birth canal. It wasn't a big deal until about two million years later when we experienced a rapid increase in our brain size (and the size of the head that held it). This made for a tough fit when it came to giving birth.3 Eventually push came to shove, and something had to give. Evolution's compromise: Babies born with brains that were a fraction of the size they would become, saving most neurological development for later.4As any woman who's had a baby in the last few million years can attest to, childbirth is still a bit of a tight squeeze--even with the adaptation of giving birth to babies whose brains are only 25 percent of their final size. Such neurological immaturity makes human babies extraordinarily dependent on their parents and begs for close parental contact night and day.In this sense our nonambulatory, nearly helpless babies are born before their time. In effect they need to finish their gestation outside the womb.Food, Shelter, Clothing ... and TouchThe consequences of this immaturity extend far beyond a baby's need to get adequate nutrition, heat, and diaper changes. In the last several years, researchers from academic institutions around the world have demonstrated another essential ingredient to survival: caring human touch.When infants in neonatal wards were placed in the completely controlled environment of an incubator, with a minimum of tactile stimulation, their growth rates were precipitously slow. Yet when caretakers gave these babies a few gentle massages a day, the babies rapidly caught up with their expected growth curves--their little bodies "nourished" by the tender touch of another human.5A new wealth of scientific research is revealing just how essential a parent's physical closeness is to a baby. Being near a parent on a regular basis helps babies regulate many vital functions their fledgling nervous systems have yet to perfect, including heart rate and rhythm, hormone levels, blood pressure, and body temperature.6,7,8 Exactly how some of this information is passed from parent to infant isn't yet clear. In most cases we can witness only the results of this intimate regulation, not the mechanisms behind it. But the results are nothing short of wondrous.For instance, when a mother holds her baby in skin-to-skin contact, her body temperature fluctuates to keep the baby's temperature normal. If the baby is too cold, the mother's temperature increases. When the baby's temperature is normal, the mother's goes back to normal.9 It's as if the mother is a thermostat,effortlessly keeping her baby in the optimal temperature range. This remarkable synchronization continues as long as the two are in contact.The implications of such findings are profound, especially for more fragile babies. When premature babies rest skin-to-skin on a parent's chest for short periods throughout the day, their heart rates and temperatures stabilize more quickly, they sleep more deeply, cry less, breathe better, grow faster, and end up going home sooner than babies who don't receive this "touching" prescription.10A mother's touch can even act as a strong analgesic for newborns. Researchers at the Boston Medical Center found that infants who lie skin-to-skin on their mothers' bellies showed much less pain (crying and grimacing) during routine "heel stick" blood draws than babies left swaddled alone in cribs. Heart rates among the touched babies were also substantially reduced, indicating less distress.11 Since touch can be a powerful pain reliever, babies who have more regular skin-to-skin contact with a parent may have a higher overall comfort level than their less-touched counterparts.
A NOTE FROM DR. JAY: In my practice, I give all vaccines when the babies are in mom's or dad's arms. The child feels so much better, and we don't have to deal with as much fear.
Touch actually rivals mother's milk as a baby's body builder. In animal experiments, it took less than an hour of separation from the mother for the infant's level of growth hormone to start to decrease.12In the early 1900s, many unfortunate infants perished when raised in institutional environments where all their "standard" needs were met but where they were deprived of touch. What had been thought to be the most beneficial conditions to an infant, such as sterile wards of an orphanage where the baby was rarely handled, proved fatal.13With a need for contact so deeply ingrained in a baby's makeup, it's no wonder that newborns find it extremely stressful to be separated from their parents at night.Some researchers have even suggested that the immaturity of human infants may be a factor in some cases of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). One theory behind SIDS is that some infants fail to rouse themselves from deep sleep during a drop in body temperature or a pause in breathing.14But when babies share a bed with parents, they're partners in the nocturnal dance documented by McKenna. Stimulated by the parents' movements and sounds, babies tend to spend less time in deep sleep, more time in light sleep.15 Although co-sleeping is not a magic pill against SIDS, it may offer some vulnerable babies protection by causing them to avoid long stretches of deep sleep.16 In addition, family bed babies tend to sleep on their sides and backs, possibly because of ease of breast-feeding. This minimizes the face-down sleeping position, which is a known risk factor for SIDS.17Philip, a father of three, is among several parents we've heard from who think the family bed may have been a lifesaver. His youngest child experienced many frightening periods of apnea (breathing cessation) throughout the night. "I'll never know if he would have resumed breathing on his own after all of those periods of apnea if we hadn't been beside him in thebed giving him a little nudge," he says. (See "Bedders Safe, Not Sorry," see here, for a dramatic account of another infant whose life may have been saved by co-sleeping.)It's intriguing that the rate of SIDS is highest in industrial societies where infants sleep separately from their parents. In societies where babies routinely sleep with their parents, the rate of SIDS is considerably lower.18 It would be convenient to argue that the increased SIDS cases in modern societies stem from pollution, parents who smoke, or any of the environmental drawbacks of living in a "developed" culture. But Japan is the fly in that theory's ointment. Japan, where babies routinely sleep with their parents, boasts low SIDS figures more typical of nonindustrialized countries.aIn fact, when people from co-sleeping countries move to the United States, their SIDS rates start out low; but the longer they live in the United States, the higher the rate of SIDS.19 The "Americanization" of their sleep hab...
Most helpful customer reviews
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
A relief.
By Karen K. Hart
When I was pregnant, my husband and I went to a baby-related event at a nearby hospital. One attendee raised his hand and asked a presenter about some kind of contraption to put a baby in so that the baby could share his or her parents' bed. "Oh, we don't recommend cosleeping," the presenter interrupted, and she moved on to address another question.
That was that, I thought. I had no idea that anyone would even consider sharing a bed with an infant in our society. I actually kind of looked down on the guy who'd asked the question.
A few months later I went through about 18 hours of labor followed by a C-section with general anesthetic. Afterward I took narcotics for the pain, and I could not have stayed awake while feeding my baby if my life had depended on it. When I got home, I discovered that the most painless way to feed my son was to lie on my side--so I continued to fall asleep during feedings.
Eventually, we were cosleeping nearly all the time, and I felt guilty about it. One night my husband and I decided to make a go of getting our son into his crib, and it was around 2 AM that night when I bought this book.
Although I'd hesitate to base my stance on a single book alone, Good Nights made me feel significantly better about our situation. I think its ideal audience is made up of parents-to-be, but I was pleased with the information I found in its pages. The authors discuss a wealth of literature the interested reader can check out; they also provide anecdotes from many current and former cosleepers.
Topics covered by the book include ways kids begin cosleeping, ways they stop, how to deal with other people's perceptions, how (and where) sex can continue, how to be safe about cosleeping, why people should cosleep, and why crying it out can be harmful. All this information is very reassuring for the cosleeping family.
There were a few ideas/implications that didn't sit well with me. For instance, I don't think a crib's only use in a cosleeping family is to give the cat a place to sleep. Also, the only other sleeping option the authors really cover in depth is the cry-it-out method. While the cry-it-out method had its day and, I'm sure, is recommended by plenty of books, not ONE person has suggested that we let our baby cry it out. Several people have suggested that we put him in his crib, comfort him, put him in his crib, comfort him, and so on--this is the method that led me to buy the book in the wee hours of the morning, and I'd like to know what Dr. Jay has to say about it.
Overall, the book was very refreshing. It was a quick and pleasant read, and I want to get my husband and my mom to read it too. I wish that I'd known more about cosleeping before I had my son--then I might not have felt so guilty about our situation.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Great Resource for those Interested in Co-sleeping or Attachment Parenting
By L. Loyd
While the really important information on cosleeping (mattress/bed safety, not smoking/drinking alcohol/taking any drugs that would make it hard for you to wake up, etc.) have been covered in several parenting books that I already own, I really liked this book because it focuses on just the one aspect of parenting and dissects it pretty fully. I won't provide a synopsis because other reviewers have already done so, but I particularly liked the ways to respond to others criticism of your decision to co-sleep. I have found as a young parent that people really do pry into all aspects of your life and offer their opinion whether you want it or not. Having resources that back up my choices makes it a little easier to stand firm around people who are older and 'wiser.' Glad I bought it, will reread. I noticed there is an in-depth treatment of gentle ways to ease baby out of the bed, and will be reading that later.
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Must-Read for New Parents
By Julia M. Reffner
This book explodes many of the myths perpetuated about co-sleeping. If done properly, co-sleeping is actually a SIDS preventer. My husband and I fell into co-sleeping by accident, as a new mom I accidentally fell asleep in bed while nursing my daughter. I enjoyed the extra sleep, my husband and I both enjoyed the closeness with our daughter and our daughter seemed to sleep better and was more secure.
If the thought of Ferberizing makes you sick, there is a better way to have happy nights. Gordon's helpful tips will help you to set up a safe family bed. He also covers such topics as sex life (yes, you can have one), weaning from the family bed, how to counter the opinions of nosy relatives, neighbors, doctors, etc.
This book provides a different perspective from Dr. Ferber and many of the other cry-it-out methods. My daughter is 3 months old and though she still wakes up in the night, I feel more well-rested than most moms I know. I credit the family bed for extra rest and building a closeness in both my marriage and with my daughter.
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