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The Soul Beneath the Skin: The Unseen Hearts and Habits of Gay Men, by David Nimmons
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This surprising and thought-provoking book begins with the obvious fact that Stonewall happened 30 years ago, and the perhaps less obvious fact that in the 30 years since an enormous number of social science studies have been done on gay men. Dave Nimmons proceeds to synthesize that information to reveal a number of unseen patterns of gay male behavior, truths about our lives we feel instinctively but have not named.
For instance, countless studies show that gay men have developed a culture in which public violence is almost non-existent, which is notable when you consider that violence in this society is almost entirely a male phenomenon. Even in intensely over-crowded gay bars and discos, with alcohol and testosterone saturating the atmosphere, fist fights are virtually unheard of. On in the area of volunteerism, study after study shows that gay men volunteer at a much higher level than any other segment of the population (and, very interestingly, our volunteerism is about evenly divided between gay and non-gay causes, as are our charitable contributions). Our patterns of intimacy and friendship are much more diffuse and extended than heterosexual patterns; sexual jealousy and exclusiveness are extremely different, as are our relationships with women and our pursuit of playfulness and sexual bliss. Altogether, these gay social innovations have no parallel in modern American culture; they describe a new kind of public ethics, one with deep implications for gay men and for the larger society.
- Sales Rank: #2705775 in Books
- Brand: St. Martin's Press
- Published on: 2002-05-28
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 10.60" h x .99" w x 5.72" l,
- Binding: Hardcover
- 272 pages
- Great product!
From Publishers Weekly
Gay men are mindlessly hypersexual, unethically promiscuous and ceaselessly narcissistic or so the worst stereotypes would have it. Rather than refute these charges by painting a portrait of male homosexuals as just like heterosexuals (except for one small detail), Nimmons, president of New York's Lesbian and Gay Community Services Center, radically reinterprets gay sexuality, intimate relationships and self-image. Using a wide range of scientific surveys, anthropological studies, philosophical inquiries and personal observation and anecdotes, Nimmons argues that gay male culture is arranged around highly ethical behaviors that value the needs and health of both the individual and the community. These values, he argues, are enacted through a wide range of sexual practices and unconventional couplings (from one-hour tricks to open long-term relationships), and are manifested in the community-building that has accompanied the AIDS epidemic, as well as the broad range of mentoring relationships between gay men. Noting that "gay relationships are distinct from heterosexual relationships in that they are frequently based on expectations of equality, reciprocity, and autonomy," Nimmons also examines how gay men's relationships with women could present a model for heterosexual men as well. While "the bitchy queen and her cousin once removed, cynicism" are endemic to some realms of gay culture, Nimmons is careful to place these effects in a context of socially generated self-hating. The book is at its best, and most challenging, when Nimmons makes his case with statistical data his survey of the lack of violence in gay male public spaces and relationships (as opposed to heterosexual male spaces) is a model of social science but these segments dovetail nicely with his original and powerful sociological and philosophical arguments.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
From Library Journal
In this fascinating and provocative study of the gay male experience in America, Nimmons, a writer and past president of the New York Lesbian and Gay Community Services Center, boldly challenges the libidinous, body-conscious stereotype of the typical gay American male. With an irreverent, almost conversational tone that belies an embarrassment of statistical riches, Nimmons redefines gay men's contributions to a newly evolving public ethos revolving around the central theme of care and service to the community. Academic studies and the author's own research indicate that gays have the lowest crime rates of any demographic, that they most often choose occupations in the health and public service fields, and that they maintain higher levels of community volunteerism. More interesting, and perhaps more daring, is Nimmons's argument that gays, America's only openly polyandric tribe, may offer constructive new paradigms for the institution of heterosexual marriage now suffering from high divorce rates and the destructive breakup of the family in order to create a happier, more stable environment in which to raise children. This may well be one of the most important books on gay culture for the new millennium and certainly one of the most daring and original. For all gay studies collections. Jeff Ingram, Newport P.L., OR
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
Review
“Provocative and sure to be controversial....An exhilarating ride.” ―The Washington Post
“Fascinating and provocative...may well be one of the most important books on gay culture for the new millennium.” ―Library Journal
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
soul beneath the skin
By Julian J. Spalding
This book gets to the real meat in the last chapter. It is beautifully written and makes his case for Manifest Love. I want to learn more about the movement but the website is not accessible.
35 of 40 people found the following review helpful.
Thought-Provoking Polemic
By disco75
This is the kind of assumption-shattering book that we need in these times of passively-accepted hype and media-fed half truths. The author takes a clear-eyed look at the statistics that have been floated before us in dozens of newspaper and magazine articles, in television programs, and other popular venues. Nimmons rightly protests that the statistics have for the most part been interpeted with a preconceived conclusion by popular writers. He also digs up other statistics that have definitely not been presented, because they do not jibe with the prevailing attitudes about his subject-- the subculture of gay men. He offers his own take on what these statistics and patterns mean, refusing to accept the pronouncements of other people without being convinced by the data.
He presents information about several aspects of the behavior of gay men as a group. The police logs tell us that violence in gay bars, Pride parades, and other gatherings of celebrating and often intoxicated gays is far lower than in heterosexual gatherings such as pubs, sporting events, and parades. The incidence of gay domestic violence, distorted in the popular media, is in fact equivalent to the incidence amongst the straight community. In fact, conflation of lesbian and gay domestic violence rates may make gay men seem more prone to domestic violence than they actually are.
Nimmons examines the rates of volunteerism amongst gay and straight men and find both monetary and time donations to be significantly higher in the former group. He hypothesizes that an ethos of caring informs not only the frequency with which gay men volunteer for both gay-related and gay-unrelated causes, but also informs the higher representation of gay men in service-connected careers like healthcare, social service, etc.
The author considers what it might mean that gay men handle relationships of all kinds differently than heterosexual men. He cites mostly anecdotal information in this topic, hypothesizing that the gay modes of managing interpersonal relations-- male-male friendships, male-female friendships, and romantic relationships-- may be of benefit to our society as it evolves. He wonders how the "traditional" family concept can be held as a yardstick when only 25% of families contain a mother, a father, and children.
He also presents a refutation that behavior-modification efforts targeting safer sex have been failing with gay men. Nimmons looks at the rates of safe sex amongst various groups, and finds that gay men have changed their actions most, with an approximate 2/3 rule: 66% or so of gay men have substantially altered their sexual practices toward the safer, while heterosexuals have done so at a small fraction of this rate.
Shorter thought pieces are included: the place of ecstatic or spiritual practices in gay men's modes of celebrating; the sensitivity to beauty and art that gay men demonstrate; the effects of negative social influences that erode what gay men do best and how they feel about themselves.
Nimmons' new ideas about gay theory are intriguing and important. When he uses concrete data, he makes strong cases. At times he ignores possible confounding factors (for example, perhaps gay men don't utilize police services as frequently as other groups because of a reluctance to face societal derision or authority indifference). At other times he relies as much on hypothesis as on hard data. Nevertheless, his assertions are at least as valid as what passes for the hard journalism most of us must rely on.
Perhaps the biggest complaint with the book is in the writing. Nimmons starts off with a blithe attitude, attempting to use humor that, unfortunately, distracts from the important message he is making. He returns to the humor periodically and it continues to be jarring. Also, he is repetitious in foreshadowing his points, in making deductive conclusions, in summing up his hypotheses. A more heavily edited book would have been more cogent, making its points succinctly and with greater impact. The Soul Beneath The Skin is, however, a conceptual accomplishment for this iconoclast-- recommended highly for humanists, feminists, religious leaders, and anyone concerned with the state of our society. It stands alongside The Myth Of Male Power as a fresh way of looking at the world in which we live.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Required Reading for Gay People
By James Dickson
Rarely has a book written by a gay man for gay men reached such depth and inspired to such new heights in an easy to read and accessible story-line.
Can gay men become the healers of the world, showing straight men that violence and insane war-mongering are no longer necessary? Has the gift of the gay spirit evolved to such a point that we can be shamans of the world, teaching community living and loving? David Nimmons' book reveals the gay soul in a way never captured before.
You'll want to read this book if you want to understand how the "curse of homosexuality" has become "a gift to the world." Never before have the voices of so many millions of gay men been able to influence the future of society as it can now. Nimmons shows us, in many different areas, where overcoming the gay challenges makes our personal experiences an asset for the modern world.
A delightful book, written in the gay voice. Inspiring. A must read for gay leaders and the community minded.
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